“I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June. . . . If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the picture that was to grow old! For that—for that—I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!”

Hmm, difficult prop to make in a birthday month……..

I’ve been generating the drawings/props for my soon to be deployed “illusions” and I have to say it’s a kick. There is something so liberating about whipping out these drawings knowing that they’ll be utilized for something bigger. Low-budget realities aside, charcoal and white-faced cardboard is fantastic.

Here are a couple of wall shots of an assortment of bottles (somebody once said draw what you know…) and a collection of other legerdemain players.

All around me now I’m seeing the prologue…

The next set is complete and it’s time to start gathering up tricks (so to speak). 

I’ve been jotting down illusions and “ta da” moments I want to create and here are a few that are scribbled on my wall:

apple to skull

giant stone/Atlas moment

ectoplasm puppet

rabbit from a bottle

hypnotic spiral

horse balancing on cup

floating brick

bell toll

rapid fire transformations

noose and flower

flowering log/disappearance

water pour/thunder

shadow dance

(if nothing else they’re all good band names…)

I’m excited about taking the diorama beyond just the visual effect/gimmick and actually creating performative actions that can be dependent on the artifice and character of the staged moment. 

Here’s a small test video I shot Sunday to check lighting, framing and spatial illusion. It’s pretty close.

As I sort through a giant (bless you, digital technology) file of travel shots, I’ll periodically put some images up that have survived the initial delete.

Drew and framed out the first layer of the set for my next round of tableau vivants. Looking forward to using these staged, artifice heavy moments as chapter breaks or visual asides to a larger narrative structure.

An amateur magician as greek chorus type of format.

Also picked up a cheap black suit over the weekend for the performer (me).

Now I need to wire the “limelights” and not knock out the power grid for the entire town!

I believe these might be done.

It’s always so strange and kind of wonderful to see work reduced down to little digital rectangles. It reminds me of when I used to get slides developed (back in the day…) and had the expectation that somehow all the little irritations, missed marks and hesitancies in the work would magically disappear and the image would be the perfect representation of “my work” and not the honest depiction of steps along a continuing process.

So here are five highly theatrical, dense, flamboyant, spatially confounded, ambiguously specific (?) pieces that have me working through and reveling in the essence and excess of  Moby Dick.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m not getting more work done and feel I’m lacking my normal manic studio drive here and I think I may have found (or created) some answers. One reality is adjusting to the demands of my new position and the workload but that seems too easy. I’ve always had at least one job and have been able to maintain an active studio practice.

I think it may be something else. Something a bit more slippery.

In the states, the work exists because of or becomes a challenge to the normalcy, habit and routine I experience on a daily basis. This isn’t a negative criticism or a nihilistic, escapist posture but just the way I adjust the lens I navigate my world through. It’s a point of focus, psychic release and self-affirmation (no matter how naive) of a perceived singularity and an ability to reveal and perform my stance in the world when I’m in the studio, working.

I experienced a great deal of anxiety and a deep sense of loss when I moved out of the studio I had for over six years. It existed as an archive and repository, a lab and arena and confirmed the necessity to have such a designated space/nest/sanctuary/cell for my stability and continuity.

Here in France (with my still unbelievably bad French!), every moment presents a demand for me to perform a version of myself that can pass, nod, “oui”, “non” and play at being a familiar and member of the tribe. It can be exhausting, isolating and frustrating. 

Why isn’t it freeing, boundless and revelatory? Why am I not rushing to “ma vieille boulangerie” to revel in this anonymity and the somewhat socially unaccountable nature of my current circumstances? 

I’m not sure and it’s driving me a little crazy. Good crazy but still….crazy. 

So, as I reduce my administration time to two days a week and commit to the studio, the challenge is to open out and fully embrace the situation I am actually in and be free of critical hindsight and dismissive forethought and try to exist in that problematic space known as “now”. 

Here we go…….